A Journey Through Coaching
Life Coaching. What is it?
Honestly, every time I hear the term I cringe a little. I’m pretty sure it’s a very big umbrella term designed to encompass a lot. But it also can come off sounding a little pompous. As if an entire life with all its unpredictabilities could be managed into submission for a perfect outcome. Really?
Instead, I think of it as an approach to life’s uncertainties that buoys us up, gets rid of self-judgement, sets achievable intentions and supports us in making transformation happen. I’ve been working with a coach for about five years and I can say it’s proven to be the most effective method for making permanent, sustainable, positive improvements in how I live my life.
I didn’t set out to be a coach myself. In fact, I considered many other helping professions; ministry, chaplaincy, hospice, counseling, reiki, nursing. I knew I wanted to support others in some kind of spiritually transformative way but none of them seemed to really fit. It was my own coach who finally said, “You know, you’d be really good at this”.
Not long after I went to a coaching information evening. I was still skeptical. Knowing about people such as Tony Robbins, I was concerned about being swept up into a cult of positivity. Nothing wrong with taking a positive view but better yet, how about embracing with compassion all that we are. Warts and all.
Now that I’m well into my training and have six weekly clients who have been coming for four months I can say, “I think I’m really good at this”. I draw from my sixty years on the planet, my MA in Psychology and Religion, other professional psychological training, countless workshops and, now, future completion of the Coactive Training Institute program. I think it’s finally OK to “toot my own horn” just a little. I’m smart. I’m truthful. I believe in my clients’ capacity to have the life they want. I care – a lot!
What makes for good life coaching?
Now that I’m beginning my coaching practice I’m paying close attention to my own experience of being coached. What’s been essential? What’s been helpful? What would I do differently?
In the coming 5 articles I’ll share my “insights” and give you the opportunity to answer some questions for yourself.
1. Working Collaboratively
I spent years with one therapist or another. Looking back, I think the majority of them were thoughtful, gifted people who cared about me. But, for me, the nature of the arrangement was innately flawed. Traditionally, therapists are trained to manage the “relationship” so that it is one-sided. They learn the most intimate details of their clients lives while the client knows little or nothing about theirs. This always felt strange to me. I felt the remoteness of the therapist and it added to my insecurity and isolation. When I finally met my coach and she shared some of her own experiences I felt like I could relate to her. It normalized my struggles. I felt like I had a companion on the journey who was willing to share some wisdom. She modeled vulnerability and self-compassion which helped me have my own. We worked as a team which led me to understand that I had the capacity to be a creative, resilient, independent, problem solver. We were in this together, but her goal was to help facilitate my independence from her. She was my accountability partner on the journey to greater self- acceptance, forgiveness, choice and freedom.
Working collaboratively falls under the “essential” category for me. When I sit down with a client we do so side-by-side. Literally. We talk. I draw pictures. We write notes. Together, we decide if homework seems appropriate, what it’s going to be and how they’re going to keep themselves accountable to do it. And, if they don’t do it, were going to talk about that too. It’s food for thought but not judgement. I’m absolutely going to do my best to partner them in getting the transformation they want so they can move on to greater self-confidence, fulfillment and independence.
Questions:
1. What feed-back would I like right now from a partner?
2. What would I like someone to notice about me?
3. What would I prefer no one to know about me?
4. If I had complete faith in myself right now what would I do?