A Journey Through Coaching - Part 5: The Meditation Metaphor

This, The Meditation Metaphor, is the final article in a series of five which also includes; What is Coaching, Adaptive Patterns, Being a Learner, and Fire the Committee.

5. Meditation Metaphor

I regularly fall off one “wagon” or another. It’s suddenly five o’clock and I haven’t meditated or exercised; yikes!  Well intentioned, I haven’t sat down to write a blog post, return emails, walk the dog, made a new drawing, cleaned my office, paid the bills, bought groceries, called my father, or bathed the aging dog.  My weight has crept up a pound or two, the windows need washing, and the fridge is a crusty, dead-food disaster. My life feels out-of-control and overwhelming. I feel condemned and I’m the one doing the condemning!

Usually, these aren’t all happening simultaneously. Usually.  However, even if one of the above weighs on my mind I am at risk of crippling criticism. When I start going down this road it’s easy to get deeper and deeper into a vortex of frustration and despair. Then it feels hard to rev-up the engine again for a second attempt. 

So, in my effort to make change by being kind and self-compassionate I have started thinking of these moments as if I was, at all times, in the process of meditation.

Meditation, when boiled down, really has only two parts. The first is a repetitive focus; a mantra, the cadence of your walk and, most handy of all, one’s breath. The process is to allow your mind to rest on that focal point letting all other distractions recede. But, because we are imperfect humans, our minds wander off to all sorts of distractions. This is usually when I remember, for example, the crusty fridge. But, this moment of awareness is also one of opportunity because the second part of meditation begins NOW.  Instead of kicking myself in the pants for screwing up my focus I can just acknowledge that my mind has gone off on a dawdle . Like a little child. With no malice or intention. Just because it might be a little untrained or distracted or bored. Then, with gentleness, I can resume my focus. 

This process can be applied to almost any endeavor.  Now, when finding, perhaps, that three days have passed since I last went for a good, hearty walk (my focus) I do my best to by-pass the condemnation. As soon as I notice, I recommit to my focus (my walk) and put my walking-shoes on. I choose to be grateful to be back in my practice rather than chastising myself and feeling guilty.

There ARE a few opportunities in life that are hard to come back to if the moment passes.  That’s why it’s important for me to have the humility to ask, for example, for a “do-over” (an agreed upon mechanism for starting over) when a conversation with my husband or friend goes south.  But most of the time I can return again and again with impunity. No matter what I’m attempting I will, undoubtedly, stray away. It doesn’t need to be confirmation of failure or the recipe for abandoning a goal. Instead, coming back to it can be an act of self forgiveness and reconciliation.

Thanks for sharing in a little of my coaching journey by reading my blog posts.  Enjoy reading other posts at Eudaimonia: Human Flourishing.

Especially, in these challenging times, I continue to coach clients by Zoom, FaceTime and by phone. Email me at flhorning@gmail.com to make a virtual appointment. 

Be safe out there. I wish you and your family good health.