A Journey Through Coaching - Part 4: Fire the Committee
*In this age of Coronavirus I have moments when it feels ridiculous and irrelevant to keep writing a series on my coaching experiences. I was tempted to quit. All of my family is now gathered together and I spend a lot of time cloroxing (a new verb) door knobs and counter tops, making meals and counting toilet rolls. It seems to be endlessly 3pm and little has been written at all. However, I’m not going to quit writing about coaching or anything else because;
1. This too shall pass
2. We will return to some kind of new normal
3. All of us are still living in relationship with ourselves and others
4. Reaching out is essential now because we are scared, lonely and/or grieving
5. We always need to seek to be compassionate rather than judgmental
Be well my friends…and kind…especially with yourself.
This, Fire the Committee, is the fourth article in a series of five which also includes; What is Coaching, Adaptive Patterns, Being a Learner, and The Meditation Metaphor.
4. Fire The Committee
Throughout my life I’ve been blessed to have caring mentors (usually older) who I’ve been able to consult with. Frequently, they’ve consulted with ME…as in, “perhaps that wasn’t such a good idea”, “your reason was?…”, “why did you think that wouldn’t turnout badly?”,etc.
When I stopped being quite so impulsive, I actually got in the habit of talking with two or three or even five people about what to do next. Not a bad strategy at all for someone who thought every problem was theirs to solve and…perfectly. But, who usually, hadn’t had enough early instruction to approach many issues with much knowledge. Most of the time the members of my “committee” gave me similar advice. More importantly, they encouraged me to check in with myself about what seemed right. They had faith in me to attempt the next step and, if I failed, to get back in the saddle and try again.
I also followed celebrity gurus; writers and speakers who, it seemed, had figured out the answers and had achieved nirvana, lost twenty-five pounds, found their true calling, earned six figures annually, mastered social media, been chosen for gallery representation, written New York Times Best Sellers, gone Paleo, and embraced their Inner-Child.
I went to lots of workshops and retreats at Kripalu and Omega and other institutions of spiritual/emotional learning. I can tell you honestly that the Hoffman Process changed my life. But when I wanted to go for the third time my coach stepped in. She pointed out that “getting a fix” of external affirmation and direction was all well and good but then I still had to come home and face me. What I needed to develop was my own inner affirmation and consultation system. I needed to fire the committee and start trusting my own judgement.
This is a growing edge for me. I still ask for opinions but I don’t need a committee of opinions weighing-in before I attempt something. If I need more information I might consult someone who is very familiar with the issue-at-hand or better yet, look at YouTube or read an article on the subject. Then, I check-in with myself with some questions. Does what I’m about to do fall into my general guidelines about acting with integrity? Does it impact anyone else? What might be the consequences of my decision if all doesn’t go according to plan? Can I live with that? How does this decision fall into bigger goals and aspirations? Am I digressing, procrastinating, complicating, prolonging, preventing, etc.?
Gradually, I am learning to trust myself and my own inner-wisdom. I have more confidence in my decision-making capacity. And, when everything doesn’t turn out quite as planned, I’m intentional about not slamming myself with crippling judgement. After-all, as long as I don’t waste time beating myself up, most situations can be re-evaluated and new solutions conjured pretty effectively.