A Journey Through Coaching - Part 3: Being a Learner

Part 3: Being A Learner

A few months back someone I was working with decided to take a break from coaching. Totally reasonable for lots of reasons. I actually encourage people to think, as an artist would, that they are doing a “body-of-work”. A “body-of-work” can be thought of as a focused, limited, series of creations that relate to each other and may express a theme or relationship. A “body-of-work” might be time-limited or theme-limited but it has a clear beginning and end. I have, myself, worked with my coach in this way. Perhaps, for example, agreeing to focus on a particular issue for six weeks. Then I may go months before feeling like I have another chunk of work to do. 

I like this approach because it gives me time to integrate and practice what I have learned. I feel more capable of independently resolving some issues rather than endlessly “reporting in”. It encourages me to trust my own judgement. 

However, as a new coach, this client’s departure caused me to doubt myself.  I worried I had done something wrong. I had failed this person. I had failed myself. I walked earnestly around our local pond and brooded. I dragged up each session and examined it for it’s shortcomings. 

Finally, well into my third time around the water, an idea popped into my head. I was a learner!  As a learner I had permission to take risks and make mistakes free of self-judgement. I could be experimental. I didn’t have to have all the answers. In fact, screwing up was how I would discover the most informative data and grasp the most useful concepts. 

Being a learner is a term I offer to clients all the time.  It doesn’t mean we give up having any standards for ourselves. Rigor and commitment is essential when learning a new skill or developing a facility.  Becoming proficient requires practice. However, proficiency really only grows in an atmosphere of curiosity and constructive critique, not in self-judgement and crippling criticism. 

I was a little mortified to realize I was struggling with one of the very issues I coach my clients on.  But, it allowed me to practice the skill of self-compassion as well. And, I decided to create a tool for my clients to critique my coaching.  By asking the questions and risking critique, I stood to learn a lot more about what was helpful and become better at the profession I am coming to love. Instead of beating myself up, I came back from the pond with renewed commitment to learning, a great deal of humility for the challenge and gratitude for the chance to keep learning.